Not to Worry

Last week I expressed my worry-wart thoughts about the upcoming MRI. I awakened bright and early on Wednesday morning. Well, not so bright. At 4 AM things are not too bright. The arrival at the imaging center was right on time. I waited a few minutes until Jason, RN, fetched me to access my port. The everlasting search for betadine began. I am evidently allergic to the alcohol based cleaner the nurs

e usually uses to clean the port area. The alternative is betadine. It gives your skin a nice healthy glow. It actually doesn't look all that healthy, but it works. ¶ Then it was off to the infernal machine. My head was locked in after the ear plugs and sponges were positioned. Then the racket began. Thirty-five minutes later it was all over. After my port was deaccessed I was on my way home. ¶ Back to the Cancer Center at 11:30 for my appointment with Erik the Red. After the usual run-through with the nurse, he appeared. He really does need a haircut. The news was excellent. There is no further involvement in the brain and the main lesion appears now to be a scar rather than something alive and growing. ¶ The relief was tremendous. As he explained, every small cell cancer is different and predictions really can't be made as to how it will metastasize. For the time being, at any rate, it has decided to avoid my brain. I am grateful. ¶It seems to have been a busy week although I can't say exactly what kept me busy. The stacks still remain on the desk only to have increased in size. My friendly gardener has dealt with the weeds to the point that they seemingly no longer exist. I'm sure they will return however. A little planting was done, a hosta, some iris, and a veronica. There is still plenty of room in the new lanscaped area but will not be for long when the 150 or so bulbs arrive. I think I will have some to share.

¶ Today is just a perfectly beautiful day. It began rather chilly but by now (4:00) it has warmed up nicely. I walked over to Wetminster Presbyterian Church for a chamber music recital this afternoon and the stroll was lovely as was the concert. ¶ Some of the contortions achieved by Sophia cause one to wonder if it is really she who is present or some otherworldly being. If one goes by the coloration the images could be related to Sophia. Otherwise it appears to be only a collection of legs and tail. ¶Thank you for your prayers, concerns and thoughts. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all you do for me, and for others. I hope your week was as good as mine.

What’s To Worry

Perhaps I’m a worry-wart. It could be I have too much time to think. Whatever the problem I know I try to analyze, supervise, harmonize, dissect, research, etc., far too much. That’s pretty much how it has been for the last few days. ¶ I have another MRI coming up on Wednesday. That will reveal if the main lesion in the brain is still shrinking, has shrunk itself into oblivion, or has hatched new lesions (one or more). I know perfectly well why I obsess. When my imagination runs wild every little pain in the head, every time my vision becomes blurred, and in the infrequent times when I have double vision means that my brain is full of nasty little cancer critters who are determined to be the end of my rational being. The vision problems are usually cured with a couple of eye blinks.

¶ The thought of the MRI drives me nearly up a wall. It is such a horrendously noisy machine that even with the ear plugs and the ear pads it is painful to me. My fondness for the cage in which the technician places your head has ceased. My rational self tells me that it is for my own good and that everything will be just fine. Still I worry. ¶ After seeing the doctor on Wednesday morning I will probably hear the good news that all is well. But then, the office people will schedule the next MRI and I’ll have to start obsessing about that. I think the problem is that I have too much time to think. ¶ It’s been a nice week although a bit too busy to allow enough time to clean off my desk. My filing system is called the “stack” system. Panic set in when I sat behind a car at a red light and noticed their license plate renewal tag. It said “9.” That brought to mind that my renewal month is September and I had not ordered my tags. Then, I wonder where the card is that DMV sends you to remind you about your renewal and contains the valuable information needed to renew. There it was safely tucked away in a stack! Not having an enormous trust in the USPS to deliver on time I though it best to go to county administration, stand in the line and get my tags. That took one afternoon. It’s amazing how one’s time is consumed with tasks that were accomplished while working full time and now seemingly take a half-day. ¶ We are definitely heading towards autumn. It’s dark in the morning and dark by 8:00 in the evening. The evenings have been really cool and some days aren’t all that warm. Thursday’s high was 90º and Friday’s 75º. Mornings have been in the low 50s. ¶ Autumn is such a beautiful season. I look forward to it each year. Winter, not so much.

¶ The ever vigilant cat has found a new observation position. There is a neighborhood cat who is let free to roam. It was on the deck a couple of days ago. Since then Sophia has been on the lookout for said feline. She watches out the windows. One wonders if she would like to meet the interloper, or if she’d rather attack the intruder. One wonders. ¶ Thank you for your concern and your prayers and for all you do for others. We are all ministers to each other. That’s the basis of community. Bless you.

Twenty Years Ago

My birthday came just six months before Pearl Harbor. I had no idea what that day meant if I even knew what day it was. As I grew up I heard many adults speak about the horror of the news on December 7, 1941. It changed the lives of many who experienced that day in one way or another. ¶ My childhood was spent in Rapid City with Ellsworth Air Force Base at our side door. The sound of bombers flying overhead was a near daily experience. One learned to just ignore the roar of the engines both prop and later, jet. We really didn’t know where the planes were headed but we assumed it had something to do with the war.

¶ In my junior high and high school years the cold war was raging. The airbase made us a highly vulnerable target. I volunteered to work at the Filter Center. It seems like a strange name but it describes what we did. We filtered flights. In those days radar could not pick up low flying, smaller aircraft. There were people who volunteered as spotters all around. Their job was to call in any aircraft that they could hear flying near them. The calls went to the filter center where we plotted the flights on a giant horizontal map. If it was not possible to identify the flight the airbase was alerted and fighter jets were sent up to intercept or identify the aircraft in question. ¶ We had a lot of training sessions. We had direct phone lines to the neighboring Filter Centers. Now, as I reflect, it was probably all the equipment that intrigued me. Nevertheless at that point in time we felt we were of value in our country’s fight against the aggressors, the Communist bloc. After putting in the required number of hours we received our wings. ¶ My parents told stories of wartime events, about the rationing of certain products, the victory gardens, the air raid drills (my parents were air raid wardens), the unavailability of certain products because they were needed for the war effort. ¶ It was a different kind of war that began on September 11, 2001. This one I remember clearly. A friend called and asked if I were watching the news. That is something I gave up some years before. I decided I’d better tune in. Just then the aircraft struck the second of the World Trade Towers. With the availability of movies and television shows constantly providing us with violence of any kind it took a bit of time for the enormity of the event to sink in. Was this real or was it fantasy? ¶ Then, with the constant replay of the event throughout the next days, it was difficult to sleep or to accomplish anything. The events were replayed over and over again. I finally realized what was happening to me. I needed to shut off the news and put the event in perspective.

¶ I had retired from teaching. The assistant principal from my last school assignment asked if I would come in and speak with the teachers who were having difficulty dealing with the whole thing, plus having to deal with the students who were affected as well. Probably the most important thing passed on to them was “turn off the news.” Several of the teachers thanked me for that advice. One simply cannot begin to heal when the traumatic event is being replayed hundreds of times each day. ¶ Today is the anniversary of 9/11. Traveler that I am I had never seen the “Twin Towers.” They had not been built when I was last in New York City. By the time I finally returned, they had been destroyed. I did see the aftermath of the event, and the last time there I visited the memorial which was very touching. It’s unusual and beautiful and calming. What was a scene of horrific destruction and loss of life has become a place of remembrance and peace. People automatically fall silent as they approach the place where the towers stood. They gaze at the names etched in the stone and hear the waterfall. Hopefully they offer a prayer for all those departed souls. May all who perished there rest in peace.

¶ Another chemo week has come and gone. Aside from the tiredness, things have gone well. It’s hard to tell if the exhaustion is from the chemo or from my perpetual lack of sleep, or both. Probably both. Along with the chemo I received my booster shot of the COVID vaccine. My oncologist thought I should get the booster right away, so I did. A sore arm was the only outcome. ¶ Sophia requested that I post a picture of her in her alert state. She’s commented on all the postings that show her asleep. She fears that people will think she does nothing but sleep. This week’s photo will put all those thoughts aright. ¶ Thanks for your kind words, your prayers and thoughts and all that you do for me and for others. May our country and all the nations of the world learn to live in peace and respect for one another.

It Really Did Happen

Last week I wrote about the darkness and threat of rain during the day. Well, it really did rain during the night. There were flash flood warnings, a tornado touched down in Lennox, south of Sioux Falls. When dawn came I found 6.5 inches of rain in the gauge! It really did rain. We’ve had several other nice showers throughout the week. ¶ One can tell that the season is about to change. The bees can hardly wait for the autumn joy sedum to come into full bloom. The new roses are growing. Mums are bursting forth little by little. The first two plants went into the new landscaping today.

¶ My phone was kind enough to remind me today that I was in China ten years ago. That brought back some wonderful memories. When we cannot travel easily, we do have the memories of trips past. I am finding those memories to be wonderful. It is difficult to believe all the places I’ve traveled. I am so grateful that I’ve had the opportunities to be exposed to countries and cultures other than my own.

¶ Visiting the Olympic Village in Beijing, walking on the Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, seeing the terra cotta warriors, walking on the glass floor in the skyscraper many stories above Shanghai are all memorable The long plane trip with a stop over in Seoul ended with the cabin attendant bowing and thanking me for traveling with Asiana Airlines. That’s the only time that has ever happened.! ¶ With the European Union’s transparent borders one no longer has a stamp in their passport for each country visited there. When I look back at my old passports and see all of the interesting entry and exit stamps and the visas, the memories of those trips come flooding back. When I last renewed my passport I ordered the model with more pages since my previous passport had no pages left. Now I ask myself, why? There is only one stamp in this new passport and lots of blank pages. Oh well, there was no extra charge for the extras. ¶ Many, many years ago I never dreamed that I would be a world traveler, yet that is what I became. I’ve not visited Australia or Antarctica yet. The other continents have seen my footsteps. This whole blog thing about being a pilgrim started as a record of a journey. There were many trips before blogging became “the thing.” Travel is truly a wonderful experience. When things do not go exactly as planned one still learns something. If nothing else one learns not to do that particular thing again!

¶ There have been some lovely days this week. It was nice to be able to enjoy them. I’ve felt very well. It was fun having lunch with some long-time teacher buddies. We worked at a school that had just opened and we really bonded as a group. A lot of credit goes to the principal who hand-picked the staff and the person that followed him. ¶ Miss Sophia was delighted that a new bag walked into the house this week. That gave her an opportunity to check out the contents and to pose. She loves being photographed.

¶ Next week is chemo week and I know things will go well. I won’t start until Tuesday because of the holiday and I’ll need to finish on Saturday. I had to go on New Year’s Day. It’s kind of spooky going to a big empty building usually bustling with people and being one of two or three in the cavernous space. ¶ Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and all the ways you’ve touched me in the last few weeks. I treasure your support. Thank you also for what you do for others.