and beeping, and beeping, and beeping. And soon I will be totally insane. Not just a little crazy, as most think at any given time. This time I may be pushed over the edge!
Is it really that bad? Probably not. Can I live with it? Probably. Will I live with out crushing it with a sledge hammer? Very likely. What am I complaining about? Just a little thing. I was forced to adopt this creature which a clergyman said I should name “Ivy.” She is a long slim pole. One certainly could not fault her for being overweight. I must take her with me wherever I go. Sometimes I forget and walk away and she tugs me back to her side. She is supposed to be my lifesaver in that she delivers the drugs into my system through little plastic tubes. Only the stuff that pleases her will she allow through. She is given to fits when one of tubes is out of place. And when she is having troubles she sits and pouts and beeps. She has now been beeping for a full hour.
There is a staff change at 7 PM. The previous nurse attendants have repeated over the last days and we have become friends. Today I have someone new I’ve not yet met. The previous staff always came in to say goodby and introduce the one following them. That didn’t happen tonight and it is almost 9 PM. Only the attendant is allowed to mess with Ivy’s buttons. Before long I will take Ivy for a walk about the public area and see if there is anyone out there who will make Ivy happy to be silent.
But there are better parts about this day that I want to tell you about. Now I can do that for Ivy and I did go to the public area where I encountered my former nurse who jabbed at one of her buttons and she fell silent. The mystery remains. Who is my nurse?
It sounds like I’ve become codependent or something. I can see how that can happen in an institution when one finds it is really not one’s home and one is suddenly at the mercy of an institution which one knows not how to navigate. The first person to be a guide can easily become the one depended upon.
I’m still here in the hospital due to sodium! It was sodium which brought me here and sodium keeps me here. I related part of that story yesterday. It continued today. The nephrologist still wants to get to the basis of the sodium mystery. It moved into the normal range too rapidly to suit the powers that be. Now they want to find out why.
No one seemingly knew that I was still in the hospital. Then one couple appeared and wanted to go to work at my house on whatever project they could do. Bless them.
The Eucharistic Ministers from the Cathedral came with my Holy Communion, joined by another and we had further time to visit. Nice.
Another little group gathered and joined by a few more coming and going. All afternoon this went on. I loved it. The newcomers knew some of those here and all kinds of connections were remade, renewed, rejoiced in. It was healing. A quiet afternoon was expected and an exciting afternoon replaced it. Thanks be to God.
I know now who my nurse is and I instantly relaxed. Strange, isn’t it? Intellectually I wasn’t bothered by this unknown fact. But, emotionally it became almost a burden to be unwillingly borne.
The staff here thinks I will be cordially invited to exit tomorrow. I’ll let you know tomorrow night about my location. I’ve been made to feel very comfortable here in hospital and it was amazing to begin the chemotherapy in an inpatient setting. The rest will be outpatient. I expect the same kind of bonds will form visit after visit.
I won’t find out my schedule until I check out. Then I can see how I can plan my weeks. I am also continually reminded that the chemo effects have not hit full force by any means yet. God has shown me I can do many things I was afraid to even try. I consider it a major victory that I can say yes when someone offers to help.
Don’t stop asking if you can help, please. It’s a sign of love. It’s a sign of ubuntu. I am because you are, and you are because of me.
God bless and good night.
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