I can see even better!

Today, January 25,  is known in the Church as the feast of the Conversion of Saint Paul.  It commemorates the event reported in Acts when Paul (or as he was then known, Saul) was knocked off his horse and struck blind, which caused him to give up his persecution of Christians and become one of the pillars of the Church.

In speaking with people over the years who have undergone a conversion experience, some have commented that it was a “knock off the horse” event.  Others have said it was a gradual, quiet process of coming to know they are on the right path. When I read a comment on faith this week it struck me that I’ve had a quiet reassurance throughout this current illness that everything will be okay. There has been a notable absence of anxiety about what comes next. There has been a peaceful recognition that I am in good hands. I’m grateful for that. Being anxious probably does not help the healing process!

The cataract surgery is complete.  On Thursday my right eye got its new lens. Vision is still a little foggy but I am aware that each day my vision is more clear.  The technology and speed with which the whole process is accomplished is amazing. Also amazing is the number of people in the waiting room.  It would be interesting to know how many patients pass through that ophthalmic clinic each day. With nine doctors on the staff I am sure the statistics would be amazing.

This coming week I’ll return to my optometrist for a check-up to make sure there is no infection and then a few weeks later receive a new prescription for my lenses. It’s wonderful to be able to see clearly again, even though I have a little struggle with which part of my trifocals is the best for any given task.

The week has been a rather lazy time.  The cataract surgery prevents me from some of the exercise to which I am accustomed. The schedule of appointments interfere with some of my usual activities. It appears that little regard is made for the agenda of persons of my age.  Those who make the appointments evidently assume I have nothing else to do. I detect some strange reactions when I announce that I am not available at a certain time. Much of the time it is a look which says “what else are you going to do?” If only they knew!

I have found that it is very easy to sit around, doze off, and basically laze away a whole afternoon. I really don’t want to do that.  There are too many things to read, to see, to ponder. My days have always been very busy. One or two days off seem like a pleasure. More than that seem indulgent. I do need to keep active. I know how far down one can go physically if one does not keep up an active routine. I also know how hard it is to work back up to one’s previously level of activity. I look forward to getting back into the usual routine. I have tried really hard to walk 2 to 3 miles each day. The safest place to do that, given the ice and snow and cold, is at the fitness center. It is also a chance to see and visit with others. I try to take advantage of that every day that I can.

Monday I have CT scans and an MRI. Let’s hope and pray that they show good things are happening inside me. The last scans were positive. I feel these will be also.

Thank you for sharing time with me and for your thoughts and prayers.

I Can See!

There are lots of healing miracles in the Gospel accounts of our Lord’s life. They are all successful. I suppose that it would not be appropriate to report any unsuccessful attempts at healing, if indeed there were any. The healings all take place because the “patient” put his/her full trust in the healer “Jesus.”

When you think about it we do the same thing when we put our trust in what our doctors prescribe for us.  We know they are not God but we have confidence in their education, their training, and their reputation.

One way of using scripture as a “prayer tool” is to put oneself into the story we are reading. I had a chance to do that on Tuesday. My friend and I battled the insane traffic at 7:30 AM to get to Ophthamology, Ltd for the removal of the cataract in my left eye.  (Where are all these people going at that hour of the morning?) Since my chemotherapy began my eyesight began to change and it was difficult for me to see clearly. I’m told that chemo can cause cataracts to blossom. I’m also told that age plays a part and that everyone needs cataract surgery sooner or later. I guess I have a choice as to where to lay the blame.

The staff at Ophthamology, Ltd has this whole procedure down pat! We arrived at 8 and I was home by 9:15. My follow up was Tuesday afternoon when the doctor removed the shield and told me my vision would be much better the next day.  And it was! For the first time in months I could see clearly with my left eye. What a miracle! 

Now I am anxious for Thursday to arrive so my right eye can have the same procedure. A few days later I’ll be able to visit the optometrist and get the prescription for my new lenses. I am really anxious to have all this completed.

Last Sunday was the annual Epiphany Pageant at the Cathedral. It’s always entertaining for the cast is children, for the most part. During the pageant one of the sheep wandered off, and we also discovered the baby Jesus knew how to blow raspberries! It was delightful.

Winter has come upon us full force with six inches of snow yesterday and blizzard warnings today. Both I 90 and I 29 are partially closed. A sure sign of nasty weather is the closing of the Empire Mall which occurred last night. Today we just waited for the plows and the snow people (as I refer to those who come and shovel). 

Having cabin fever caused by the fact that one cannot leave when one wants to do so, I thought of some supplies I needed from the grocery store so I ventured out.  The streets were fine, a little icy in spots because the city hasn’t sprinkled the grit and salt yet. I did get stuck in the driveway entrance upon my return. One of the kindly neighbors came over to help. His push allowed me to get into the garage. I’ll have to remember to take a longer run when I next return home.

A good thing that happened was the garage door returning to normal operation. It has been going up about 3 inches and then stopping. If one helps it up it is fine.  I was getting a little tired of leaving the car when returning home, going up the driveway, entering the garage and helping the door up. Garage door openers are supposed to eliminate all that. I had a passing notion about calling the repair persons next week. Now I do not have to do that. Another miracle perhaps?

Everything else continues to go well. I’m becoming fairly proficient with the prescribed eye drops. For the first few applications they qualified more as “cheek drops.” I’m grateful for all my blessings. Thanks once more for all your support and prayers. 

I good friend wrote me about his frustration of never having enough time even though he recently retired.  I know that is a common comment of retired persons. The Henri Nouwen meditation for today speaks to the situation in which many find themselves.

“It strikes me increasingly just how hard-pressed people are nowadays. It’s as though they’re tearing about from one emergency to another. Never solitary, never still, never really free but always busy about something that just can’t wait. You get the impression that, amid this frantic hurly-burly, we lose touch with life itself. We have the experience of being busy while nothing real seems to happen. The more agitated we are, and the more compacted our lives become, the more difficult it is to keep a space where God can let something truly new really take place.

The discipline of the heart helps us to let God into our hearts so that God can become known to us there, in the deepest recesses of our own being.”

It’s January!

Yes, indeed, it’s January and in South Dakota that means cold.  Actually it is just the last few days that have been cold.  We’ve had a fairly decent winter temperature wise.  As one looks at the weather map one sees that the eastern part of the country is faring much worse.  From tornadoes to rain to ice to snow they are receiving what we are lucky enough to miss.

Tuesday I had my pre-op physical for the cataract surgery.  Then I had time to get in a couple of miles of walking before returning to the Avera campus for my blood work and infusion.  Blood work was fine, according to the nurse, and the robots are back at work so the medicine was delivered promptly. I was in and out in two hours! Very nice I say.

Wednesday was take care of the car day. For those of you who do not have them one of the lifesavers on late model cars is the “side approach warning.” If someone is attempting to pass you on either side and they are lurking in your blind-spot a light appears in your outside rear view mirror warning you not to change lanes.  I love this feature and it has literally saved my life more than once. As the “book” says, do not depend on these warning features entirely. Well, if they are there you begin to depend on them.

Last Thursday when I was backing out of the garage the message appeared on the dash “side approach indicator warning needs service.” Oh, joy. This is the fourth time that I’ve received that message, twice for the right side and twice for the left. I called for an appointment. The earliest opportunity was Wednesday morning. As the sun was rising I’m off to the other side of the city where the Chevrolet dealership dwells. I intended to wait for the vehicle. There were a couple of other anomalies in the vehicle’s electronic system which seemed to have righted themselves but I wanted them checked.  I was advised to take a ride home since they would need the car for observation for “a while.”

The phone call came. “Chevrolet has come up with a fix for the problem which you’ve encountered four times. It involves replacing both modules with better insulated devices, and a new wiring harness. Oh, and your extended warranty expired on January 1, and you need a new battery.” So much news, so many dollars! All was accomplished, my pocket was emptied, the courtesy car returned to ferry me to my newly repaired vehicle and I was on my way to the Pavilion for my usual Wednesday gig.

After returning home I spent some time (read nap) in the bedroom recliner, cat on the lap purring like crazy. I had a blanket over me but noticed that I was getting colder. My bedroom is open to the lower floor so the heat always rises and it is never cold in the bedroom. But—it was getting there.

I checked the thermostat which said it was heating but it wasn’t. The outside temp was not particularly frigid at this point but the wind was blowing. About 6:00 I decided to bite the bullet and call the furnace repair emergency number. They would be happy to come and repair charging only the emergency fee and overtime charges. So there we are.  The car is repaired, the furnace is repaired and the bills are amassing. I would venture to say that my Wednesday was one expensive day. The total was minuscule compared to that for the immunotherapy drug on Tuesday, but insurance covers that, thank God. Wednesday was all on me.

I did have to miss choir rehearsal whilst waiting for the furnace repair person.  Hopefully what we are singing tomorrow is something I know or can sight read. The rest of the week has been fairly peaceful.  Sophia is very happy the construction crews have moved out of the cul de sac and she can enjoy her squirrels and rabbits in peace and quiet.

I just returned from the South Dakota Symphony concert.  The orchestra plays so very well it is a pleasure to hear them. This evening’s main performance was Ravel’s “Daphnis et Chloe.” 

I hope all went well for you this week. By this time next week I should be able to see with my left eye. I’ll let you know.

Nineteen to Twenty

It doesn’t seem like such a huge step.  Twenty is just one digit more than 19. When it has to do with the new year it takes on more importance.  For some the importance is in the party that sees in the new year.  For others the opportunity to reflect back on the old year and make some changes in their lives for the new year is of importance.

In the days of my youth, such as ten years ago, I thought it necessary to thoroughly celebrate every holiday. I had the vision in my mind of Christmases and New Years long past and what great times they were. It is very true that some of them were great celebrations. Reflecting back I think the great celebrations took so much planning and preparation that I was very happy when it was all over. 

One of my “plans,”  and I use the term loosely, was to have a festive Christmas Eve celebration.  That is when my family gathered together to share the feast and the presents and finally to head off to church. I would seek out those in my parish family who had no other plans or places to go and invite them for dinner. I seemed to have forgotten each year (until I became more wise) that I had a 5:00 Mass and another at 11:00 PM. The festive dinner had to be held in between those time slots. It also meant that while I should have been at home preparing this feast I was busy at Church!  It became a challenge to figure out something festive for dinner that would cook itself while I was at the altar. All the while the festive meal was being enjoyed I was the one occupied by thoughts of the next service. I did enjoy the company but I question whether I really enjoyed the meal or was fully present at the altar at the next service. When I retired (and I use the term loosely) I ceased the entertainment aspect and was able to concentrate on the real celebration of Christmas. I have to admit I enjoy Christmas more in quiet reflection.

Sunday last brought quite a bit of snow. Not as much as the weather prognosticators predicted here, but enough to be messy. It was heavy snow, full of water and slushy. The temperature was such that the water in the snow kept freezing. Trying to clear the sidewalk was not easy as the ice kept forming where one shoveled. Good and kind friends picked me up for church so I wouldn’t have to drive in the mess. Transportation was also provided to our Benedictine Chapter meeting following the services and then home where I remained until Tuesday. The snow people arrived Monday afternoon. The city plows arrived Monday evening. All was well and the world was still rotating!

Following our Benedictine gathering Tuesday evening I went home and stayed until going to the gym for some exercise.  So I spent part of New Year’s Day walking the track at the gym.  There were a surprising number of people there.  I appears that January through March are heavy usage times and then the resolutions people made seem to fade away as so many things do. Beginnings seem to be fairly easy but follow-through not so much. I’ve been to the gym every day this year! The exercise does feel good and it’s really too dangerous to walk outside, not because of the cold but because people do not clear their walks as they are supposed to do. It was a quiet and pleasant entrance into the new year as far as I am concerned.

Several people have asked me what infusion I’m receiving now as immunotherapy. It is called Tecentriq and is a fairly new drug (I’m assuming this because their website thanks the people who participated in the trials) and is specifically for adults with small cell lung cancer. I have another infusion this coming Tuesday so we will find out if it is still doing its job when I have my blood work. I trust it is.

So many people commented on their Christmas cards that I am in their prayers. I just received one yesterday which included a message from a lovely woman, friend, and former parishioner that she had made a personal pilgrimage to Lourdes and prayed for me there. I am so grateful for all the love and support. As I’ve commented before it is what keeps me and others who are desperately ill lifted up and hopeful. 

I never thought I’d be in the midst of cancer treatment when the calendar changed from 19 to 20. I’m grateful that I’m here to continue to enjoy life and all the challenges it brings.

Sophia’s Frustration and Other Thoughts

Sophia is frustrated. She sees one of her goals in life to be able to get into anything she desires. She has mastered opening bi-fold closet doors. Since she can open them at will that gives her an endless opportunity to explore things hidden from sight.

One of her successful forays when I left the door open!

She discovered in her first days of living here that a trip downstairs to the “storage room and cat “restroom” affords her the opportunity to leap up on the counter, then onto the fridge and from there to launch into the ceiling. This is one of her favorite nap spots because no one knows she’s there and it’s total peace and quiet. It is also the place to which she retreats when I practice the piano. She despises piano playing and is of the opinion that it should not happen.

Her current obsession is the sliding doors on my desk.  She has tried in vain to open them the same way she manipulates the closet doors.  It doesn’t work. She knows there is probably some stuff behind the doors which requires her attention but she can’t get at it. Frustrating! Those stupid doors stand in the way of the fulfillment of her vocation.

This is one of Sophia’s quirks. I wrote about some of my own last week. I totally forgot about the quirk which sent me off that direction when I began writing last week’s blog.  Chemo-brain!  I’ve been told I can use that excuse for the rest of my life. It does come in handy. 

Back to the quirk. I admit that I cook outside on the grill in every month of the year. My neighbors wait for the first nice evening in the spring to fire up a grill. I just can’t wait that long. I grilled outside last night and made enough so I don’t have to face the weather tonight. When I remodeled the kitchen and gave up my second Jenn-Aire range with the indoor grill I have to say I was bereft. I loved that thing and used it most every night. I know I lived with it for at least a year after the oven door began locking mysteriously whilst baking something.  I did discover by going to the basement and shutting off the breaker to the range the door would eventually open. Eventually is the operative word here.  This resulted in some highly overdone baking at times.

At any rate, Jenn-Aire doesn’t make those ranges anymore so I had to chose something else for my remodeling plans.  This range is quite well behaved so I do not have to make numerous trips to the breaker box. I do have to make trips to the deck to cook on the electric grill which is my replacement for the aforementioned range. It’s right outside the kitchen door so there’s no problem. I know I’m the only one in the neighborhood regaling others with the delectable odors of my dinner cooking outside.  It’s a rather delicious quirk.

Christmas week tends to become a little busy around here. The cathedral choir sings for two service on Christmas Eve. I was miserably tired before the first began, so much so that I though I might plead illness and stay home. Knowing that we were short of tenors, I bravely went forth. Having been a director of a volunteer choir I know how frustrating it can be to have one’s plans totally destroyed by the absence of even one person. Once I got into it I was fine. By the 10:30 PM service I was ready to go. After going to church Christmas morning I was ready for a nap. In between snoozes I watched services from other favorite churches and enjoyed the music. Christmas dinner was at a friend’s home so I did not have to do anything but go! It was a nice time. 

The three days after Christmas are major holy days. I celebrated Thursday, and Friday, and today for a funeral. Then I’ll celebrate two services tomorrow before I head for a meeting. It’s been a little difficult keeping straight which homily I’m preaching on which day.

Aside from the tiredness which has not kept me down I’ve been feeling fine. The tiredness has kept me from doing all the exercise I usually do. I know that causes me to feel tired. So, it is what one might call a vicious circle—exercise and you’ll be tired, don’t exercise and you’ll feel more tired. It’s difficult to win the battle. I won’t give up.

The drizzle began late last night and has continued through the day. The temperature has been hovering around 32 degrees.  That means the rain could turn to ice and snow. The prognosticators have warned us the there could be a lot of moisture in one form or other. The worst will be ice which is covered in snow.  That will not make for pleasant driving. 

I hope your Christmas week was a joyful one, or a peaceful one, or both. It can be a trying and exhausting time of the year. I’ve finally learned not to allow that to happen to me.

Along with your prayers for me please include our fragile world and all the people in it that peace may reign and poverty and disease and hate will be overcome by love, generosity and good will.

Thanks for reading. Thank you for your prayers.

Waiting

The winter solstice is nigh.  It will happen tonight.  I’m grateful for that.  Tomorrow there will be a little more light.  Each following day will be little longer. Today was very pleasant with a high in the low 40s.  That’s much better than temps below zero.

People might consider me more than a little strange.  I do admit I have some quirks.  I’ve probably overlooked most of them because I’ve had these quirks for so long. One of those quirks has to do with impatience.  I’m not always impatient, just sometimes. I’m impatient at red lights which eventually turn green and the person driving at the beginning of the queue is colorblind or wants a different shade of green or is busy texting. 

Impatience for something that is supposed to happen at a certain time is another quirk.  If an appointment is for a time certain then it should begin at that time. Tuesday I went to the Prairie Center for my infusion of immunotherapy.  These appointments always begin with a blood draw, then an appointment with the doctor and then the infusion. The infusion is 30 minutes, the doctor’s appointment 15 minutes and the blood draw usually not more than 15 minutes. I do understand that the lab has to process the blood so the doctor can inform me about what is going on with the cancer. That takes time. After waiting for the infusion for “a while,” I was informed that the procedure had changed and I needed to check in at the scheduling desk. Surprise!  That put me at the end of another line. Finally, I was shown to an infusion room and the medicine could be ordered from the pharmacy. This usually takes an hour. Long story short, my hours worth of medical needs required my presence from 9:30 until 2:00. 

I’m grateful for the good friend who spent her time with me while waiting.  I’m grateful for other friends from the Sudan and Sioux Falls who came to see me during the procedure. 

It appears that all is going well. The blood work all shows progress or a holding pattern. More will be revealed at the end of January when I have another CT scan and MRI. 

Another quirk — Christmas cards.  When I told someone that I intended to do the Christmas cards on Friday the friend remarked that “habit” had been given up a long time ago. In the advice column in the newspaper someone had lamented that they received fewer and fewer Christmas cards each year. I remember my mother awaiting the news at Christmas from friends far and near. I find myself in the same place now.  It is so good to hear from friends who probably write once each year. That contact is such a joy. I do enjoy choosing the card and sending it out. As I said to one former student who wondered about the value of cards, at my age if I don’t send them people will think I’m no longer present on this earth!

The cards are in the mail. I’ve been to several exercise classes, to work out at the gym, to choir practice, to worship with our Benedictine group, to volunteer at the Pavilion, to celebrate the Eucharist at Dow Rummel Village and to finish the Christmas shopping. It’s been a good week with good news again. I’m grateful. I’m grateful for you and your support and prayers. I’m grateful for how well I feel. I’m grateful for tomorrow, the fourth Sunday in Advent, and for the coming feast of Christmas. I hope and pray that your celebration will fill you with joy.

The birthplace of Jesus in the Church of the Holy Nativity, Bethlehem

Joy and Sadness

One of the mysteries of life is the juxtaposition of joy and sadness all within the space of a week of “ordinary” life. One does not seek out these two emotions. They just simply occur.

On the joy side, last Sunday was the official welcoming of our new bishop to his cathedral church.  The term cathedral comes from another word cathedra. This refers to the official seat or chair of a bishop in the bishop’s area of authority, the diocese. Hence the building which houses the chair is called a cathedral. It doesn’t have to be a big building with impressive architecture it simply has to house the chair or cathedra. 

When a new bishop is ordained it is the custom to “seat” the bishop in the cathedra. Our new bishop, Jonathan Folts, was ordained in Pierre. The cathedral is in Sioux Falls. It would have been difficult to seat the bishop on the day of his ordination! So, last Sunday the bishop knocked on the door of the cathedral church and was escorted in and seated. It was the official installation of our new bishop. It was a great liturgy and a joy-filled time. 

Then on Tuesday evening there was another joy-filled celebration as Bishop Jonathan visited our Benedictine Community for the first time as our Bishop Protector. He visited two classes and then presided at the Eucharist. Following Evening Prayer he shared a meal with us and we had time to visit with him. 

Next Monday is the cathedral’s annual service of Lessons and Music.  It is a gift to the community. The cathedral choir and the Dakota String Quartet and other musicians share their talent in a beautiful service of music for the Advent season and appropriate readings. Our rehearsal on Wednesday evening of this week was the last before we sing this service next Monday. There is always a certain amount of apprehension. Will we know the music and will we interpret it correctly and beautifully? We were all happy the rehearsal went very well. It went so well that we were dismissed early!

Friday was my first day back at the Washington Pavilion serving as a docent. It was good to be back, to see other docents with whom I had worked before my cancer diagnosis and to see three classes of fourth graders from Minnesota who were enjoying the Pavilion that day.  I realized how much I really missed the interaction with the children during the time I spent away because of chemotherapy and the related cautions due to a suppressed immune system. The exhibit on the construction of the Arc of Dreams, a dramatic new piece of public art in downtown Sioux Falls was still up. 

The Arc is the work of Dale Lamphere, our South Dakota artist laureate. It is huge and spans the Big Sioux River. You can see from the picture that the Arc is not complete. Neither are our dreams. The exhibit features a video on Lamphere’s work and scale models of the Arc. I worked on convincing the school bus drivers to take the children by the Arc as they departed the city.  

Now the other side of the week’s emotions. The husband of one of my former Denver parishioners was diagnosed with leukemia. As a hiker and a climber of high places he was the picture of health and now he is very sick. As he enters into his treatment I hope and pray that things will go well both for him and for his family. 

My common practice in scanning the local newspaper is to check the obituaries. As I did so this week there was an entry for a former student who died at age 36. I worked with him for seven years. He was a bright young man gone from us at a much too early time of life. I grieve for him and his family.

One of my best friends from high school days, the one with whom I’ve shared many trips, has been having health problems and had been hospitalized. He was home for a time and now has returned to the hospital.

The weather this week was similar to my emotions. It was very cold and then not so cold. We had some snow and sunshine. It was a good week to spend some evenings at home in front of the fireplace. Sophia thought it was a pleasant thing to do as well. We have both enjoyed the bedroom fireplace more this year than ever before. The joy of just taking the time to sit and read or watch the tube has been wonderful. 

Now, to add to the “joy” side of the ledger I’ve just returned from such a beautiful choral concert I really didn’t want it to end. The pew was hard but the music heavenly.  The performing group is Transept.  As they describe themselves: “Transept is a vocal ensemble of elite professional consort singers and select local musicians based in Sioux Falls.”

The program further states: “Transept is inspired by the architecture of beauty. We interweave music for vocal consort, soloists, and choir to draw audiences into an intimate, meaningful journey. We fill spaces with the sounds of transcendence.”  And they do. We are truly blessed to have this group here. They are the equal of or surpass any group I’ve heard. Check them out: https://www.transept.org

I’ll share with you one of Henri Nouwen’s writings on joy which sums up my emotions of this week.

“Joy does not come from positive predictions about the state of the world. It does not depend on the ups and downs of the circumstances of our lives. Joy is based on the spiritual knowledge that, while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world. Jesus says it loudly and clearly: “In the world you will have troubles, but rejoice, I have overcome the world.”

The surprise is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected. No, the real surprise is that God’s light is more real than all the darkness, that God’s truth is more powerful than all human lies, that God’s love is stronger than death.”

Thank you all for your concern and prayers, and for sharing in my life.