The Discovery of Time

One of the beautiful displays at McKennan Park.

As the pandemic continues around the world and in this country with ferocity we find ourselves, at least many of us, with time on our hands. That, indeed, is a new thing for some. I would say for myself that these days of semi-seclusion are a new thing for me to discovery.  While teaching and effectively having three jobs I would say I was run pretty ragged in retrospect. Things let up a little when I retired from teaching but much of that gained time was spent on the church in various capacities.  Retiring from the parish brought a little more freedom. At least, as I recall telling someone, things weren’t quite as frantic. Now when I really should be careful about going out at all it seems that there is quite of bit of time spent at home.

My friend brought me wheat grass! Yum!

What does one do with that time?  Admittedly at the end of the day I ask myself what did you accomplish and the answer is not a lot. Have cupboards or closets been cleaned? Not from the way the appear when the door or drawer is opened. Has a lot of time been spent reading and learning? Time has been spent reading but probably not a lot of learning has taken place. Has the exercising been done? Most days yes! 

One thing I’ve discovered is that this more relaxed pace gives me a peace of mind for which I longed. The time to savor, to explore, to try new things, to make things in the kitchen to be shared are all gifts. I don’t seem to find it necessary to check off all of things done at the end of the day, but there is certain satisfaction in realizing that things were accomplished at a much more leisurely pace than in days of yore.

The ability to start and finish something gives one a feeling of satisfaction. I find myself looking for things that I can do that can be completed. Clean drawers and closets would be such a satisfaction but that can always wait. This week after visiting a couple of my favorite parks I was curious to find out how many parks we actually have. The number is eighty. Wouldn’t that be fun to visit all the parks? So my new goal is set.

Parks are a safe place to visit. One doesn’t have to worry about social distancing, transfer of virus and all the rest. So the project was begun. I will have to admit that I didn’t know where the majority of the parks are. The city website has a handy list of all of them and clicking on the links brings up a map with the park pin-pointed. So far 36 parks have been visited. 

One interesting thing discovered today as I visited three parks in what might be called the high rent district, where the homes are all single dwelling and large enough in many cases to serve as hotels, is that they look much nicer than those in much less affluent districts. Some have tennis courts which are not found in other areas of the city. I had no idea that tennis was a sport restricted to the more well-off areas. The parks in certain neighborhoods just simply look better and are more appealing. Interesting? A subtle form of discrimination? My own imagination? It is something to ponder.

In between park visitations I did make my journeys to the Prairie Center each day.  Monday I had labs and a doctor’s visit which brought good news that my blood work is good. Most days everything including TUG the robot had everything in order. One day I was actually in and out in 45 minutes which is pretty speedy for an half-hour infusion. So all continues to go well for which I am really thankful. The only problem is some inflammation of the skin in the port access area.  We don’t know if it’s an allergic reaction to the cleaning solution used each day or if it could be the little piece of foam around the needle. Each “chemo week” seems to cause a slightly different reaction. A mystery that is yet to be solved.

Thanks for reading. Thank you for your prayers. Thanks for the emails and phone calls.  Thanks for being you.

From The New Yorker, Confirms my belief!

In the midst of July.

This was another week of feeling really good. Only fifteen minutes spent in the cancer center for a blood draw. That revealed that my sodium level was back in the normal range. It is just possible that we’ve hit upon the right balance of medication. 

The planter in the center of the front garden.

Next week will be another week of chemotherapy. I can’t complain. When a friend asked me today if I needed a ride. I thanked him and said that I drove myself. The reply was “you must be made of teflon!”  God has been good to me in allowing me to get through the process with very few side effects.

I have to admire Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. She is undergoing chemotherapy for yet another cancer and still keeps up her normal work load. She is a truly remarkable woman. Considering what she has been through and the criticism she often receives from those who disagree with her and the way she holds her head high in spite of all that, there are many others in the top level of government who could learn from her. They whimper and cry and lash out at the least criticism inventing all kinds of excuses for the poor job they have done. 

I wrote last week about my irritation at those who refuse to wear masks. One of my friends posted this week that seat belt laws are in place and enforced almost everywhere. How are those laws different than the requirement to wear masks? Seat belts are proven to save lives. In the automobile accidents reported in the daily paper when deaths are reported therefrom it usually says “was not wearing a seatbelt.” Will we never learn? 

The ivy geranium gone bonkers!

The cry continues to go up “don’t infringe upon my rights.” Sorry folks but none of you are allowed in the store naked. You have to wear clothes. Evidently your rights are continually being infringed upon. “No shirt, no shoes, no service” doesn’t seem to cause great numbers of people to holler about their rights. Yet people become enraged to the point of physical violence over the reminder to wear a mask. Really!

One of the vows Episcopalians take at their baptism is to “seek and serve Christ is all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself.” Today’s Gospel reading (Matthew 12:14-21) gives us an example of Jesus going on to seek and serve in spite of those working against him. “When the Pharisees were outside they began to plot against Jesus to find a way to destroy him. Jesus was aware of this, and so he withdrew from that place. Many people followed him and he cured them all…”

The reading from Micah (Micah 2:1-5) could be speaking of some of today’s persons in authority: “Woe to those who plan iniquity, and work out evil on their couches; In the morning light they accomplish it when it lies within their power…”

One of my favorite places to go for meditation is a series of daily reflections on the readings by the faculty and staff of Creighton University. In 2018 Joe Zabroroski, the Director of Purchasing wrote: “Today’s readings and the psalms scream for justice. Both the Old Testament reading and the psalms portray the wicked as overbearing in their drive for possessions and power. This is not much different than today. Human nature is human nature.

So the question to myself is, what am I doing personally to fight injustice when I see it? This has changed over time for me. An occasional stop at a homeless shelter, joining a rally, serving on a parish committee or dropping a few dollars for a cause is no longer enough.

Not that these aren’t honorable endeavors. I had to change and put myself face to face with another human being who was suffering. I was confronted by this reality when I read about the Papal Almsgiver; Father Konrad Krajewski. When Pope Francis met him he told Fr. Konrad 'You can sell your desk. You don’t need it. You need to get out of the Vatican. Don’t wait for people to come ringing. You need to go out and look for the poor.'

So a recalibration in my thought process took place. Involvement was needed to answer the scream for justice. Jesus’s example in the Gospel was to not make himself known ‘until he brings justice to victory.’ Amen Alleluia.”

Once again the preacher has no pulpit!

Thanks for reading, for prayers and thoughts and visits. Have a good week.

Oh! Is this the book you wanted to read?

Saint Benedict’s Day

Sempervivum in bloom

Today is a great day. Today is a great day especially for Benedictines throughout the world.  It is the Solemnity of St. Benedict. We all have heard of Benedictine Monasteries. There are many throughout the world. This whole Benedictine movement began with a young man who, as a student in Rome, became disillusioned in the life people were living there. In order to escape this life he went to the hills outside his native village and became the roommate of a hermit he found living in a cave.  Whether the hermit wanted a roommate or not, he got one. The hermit just wanted to live a quiet life. His desire was shattered by those who came to seek Benedict’s advice and wanted to be near him so he could teach them.

The solution presented itself to Benedict in the form of monasteries. That’s an interesting word. The root is monos, meaning one or being interpreted, alone. Yet these places were established so that persons could live together. People began living together following a Rule that Benedict authored. This monastic movement moved throughout Europe and then throughout the world. 

Hosta in bloom

I bring up Benedict today not only because it is his solemnity, but because these monasteries following in his path were by and large the salvation of the world. Civilization was essentially preserved by the presence of the abbeys and priories that preserved learning through the Dark Ages, the Black Death and any other calamities happening in the world.  Libraries containing the learning of the ages, crafts, farming, medicine all continued in the monasteries no matter the confusion and frustration in the surrounding world. They were self contained worlds in themselves, worlds of prayer, peace and love of God and humankind.

Yesterday’s meditation from the works of Henri Nouwen spoke to me of today’s world. It is titled “It’s all How Your Look at It.”

“The great conversion in our life is to recognize and believe that the many unexpected events are not just disturbing interruptions in our projects, but the way in which God molds our hearts and prepares us for his return. Our great temptations are boredom and bitterness. When our good plans are interrupted by poor weather, our well-organized careers by illness or bad luck, our peace of mind by inner turmoil, our hope for peace by a new war, our desire for a stable government by a constant changing of the guards, and our desire for immortality by real death, we are tempted to give in to a paralyzing boredom or to strike back in destructive bitterness. But when we believe that patience can make our expectations grow, then fate can be converted into a vocation, wounds into a call for deeper understanding, and sadness into a birthplace of joy.”

Lovely daylily

We spend our time hoping and praying for an end to the pandemic. One wonders for what purpose.  According to those in power it needs to end so the economy will improve, i.e. so we can make more money or insure a reëlection. Our nation has become so focused on our individual wants and needs that we have a difficult time finding any sympathy for the wants and needs of others. 

This is shown by the current push to reopen the schools.  Why? Children need to be educated. That is true. But is the sacrifice (and it will be a sacrifice) of thousands of lives of those who become sick, both students and teachers worth the education or is it really that children are currently a hindrance to parents who need to go back to work so the economy can improve? Our society doesn’t seem to care how many students get wounded or killed by guns. One might think that the sacrifice of children for monetary gain isn’t any different.

This is shown by the numbers of people who refuse to wear masks when out in public. Individual rights is the battle cry of those who refuse. The lives of those who are exposed to the air these people exhale along with the corona virus in some cases is of no import when it comes to individual rights. The wearing of a mask in public is one of the only things proved to slow the spread of the virus. Yet so many refuse to listen.

Elegant color in a daylily

Society needs to look at the monasteries for an example. These men and women voluntarily choose to give up their possessions and live together for the rest of their lives.  It is for the common good that they work and study and pray. These people from all races, all manner of education, every kind of talent live together because of love. They seek nothing for themselves only for the community. They are manifestations of the love of God reflected in how they respect each other. Would that the nation and world would learn to love again.

The foregoing is a result of a preacher having no pulpit from which to preach! My blood work on Monday was good.  Sodium level rose a little. The rest of the week was free of medical personal.  I’ve been feeling fine and really am thankful for that, especially when I see the agony that some go through. I have another week coming up free of chemotherapy. 

I’ve been taking some time to walk through a few of the city’s parks. Our parks department does a beautiful job of planting and growing lovely things. Another reflection of the current “me first” attitude is the necessity of signs in the gardens reminding people that they are not to dig up and abscond with plants. 

I went to the Farmers’ Market for the first time this season.  It was a very busy place. It was a joy to see one of the vendors from whom I have purchased for many years. 

Total relaxation.

Good friends came over for an afternoon of social distancing on the deck.  It was so good to see them. There were lots of new blooms in the garden to bring joy to the heart.

All in all it was a blessed week.  Thanks for reading, for thoughts, and for prayers. I hope your week was a good one as well.

TUG

TUG

At the hospital and cancer treatment center the system uses robots to deliver medications from the pharmacy to the nurses station. One realizes from witnessing the operation of the robots that a lot of human time is saved by utilizing these amazing machines. They zip up and down the hallways, ride the elevators, avoid collisions with people and they are actually quite cute.

One of my friends had christened the robots Rosie.  The next day I noticed TUG proudly displayed on the robots anterior so the name became TUG. The nurses actually call them TUG. It’s obviously part of the brand name, but it works as a proper noun.

They are more efficient than people for delivery. They don’t stop and chat with others on the way. They have one job and that is get the goods to where they are supposed to go. It’s fun to watch what happens when they encounter an object in their path.  They stop in good time, wait a bit (to see if said object will move, I assume) and if necessary navigate around it.

At the end of May

July 3

Friday, my nurse told tales of an errant TUG that had a propensity for visiting patient rooms and going down a little hallway that contains the scale for weighing in and a couple of restrooms.  That TUG got retired.

The week was spent going to and from the Prairie Center for chemotherapy. 

The five day everyday regimen of chemo is my current thing.  The infusion is only 30 minutes but there is prep time (vitals), accessing my port, waiting for TUG to bring the medicine, the flush at the conclusion, de-accessing the port, answering the questions, etc.  One day this week I was in and out in 55 minutes. I think that may be a record. It’s not bad time spent.  I finally finished Ken Follett’s three volume historical fiction work! I’ll have to find another opus to tuck in my bag for the next round.

Going for chemo is a chance to get out of the house! The going and coming can be interesting if one want to take a drive and check out some of the parks. One can actually get out and walk around a park with minimal danger because there is a lot of space! It’s sad to see the swimming pools closed with the beautifully warm and sunny days we’ve had the last few weeks.

At the end of May

July 3

It’s amazing to see what that warmth, water, and occasionally some fertilizer does for the plants. I looked at the pictures from the time the pots were first planted and then those that were taken yesterday.  June did a nice piece of work on those growing things.  June also provided an opportunity for the weeds to grow in any available space, no matter how small! The rabbits continue to feast on the hostas. There was a baby bunny in the front garden one day this week.  I gave him a lecture on finding another place to feast.  I don’t think it has had any effect.

Pets and fireworks at this time of year pose a problem. I’ve had some cats who get extremely upset at the noise. Sophia seems to be fine with it. She’s not exactly pleased, one can tell, but at least she’s not frightened.

Probably the best way to deal with fireworks according to Sophia.

Fireworks are illegal within the city limits. That does not seems to stop some from discharging them anyway.  In my imagination I think they are the very same people who refuse to wear a mask and thereby put other people and themselves at risk of infection when they go out in public. It comes down to respect for others or me and my rights only.

It’s been another good week for which I am grateful.  Thanks for reading and thoughts and prayers. As always, I am grateful.

The Daylight Begins to Fade

Last weekend was the summer solstice. Now the days begin to get gradually shorter until the winter solstice is upon us once again. My mother said frequently that she disliked the summer solstice. She disliked it because it meant the days would begin to get shorter. I think I must have inherited my SADS from her. I do love the sunlight especially as it shines across the green grass, the flowers, the lakes, the mountains. It seems like everything it touches has received a special blessing.

I’ve been feeling good all week. Blood work on Monday showed my sodium has remained constant through the week so the oncologist reduced my sodium tablets to two per day rather than four.  We’ll see how that worked out when I have my blood work again on Monday. Next week will be my five days of chemotherapy once again.

The ginger and the hosta

I’ve done a little gardening almost every day. This takes place in the morning when it is cooler.  It’s pleasant to be out amongst the things that are growing. Nature provides such a wonderful color palette exhibiting shades of green from very dark to chartreuse. The colors of the flowers are like little exclamation points creating excitement in the display. 

Goatsbeard in bloom

Two years ago I planted wild European ginger under the evergreen tree. I did this because it is supposed to be unliked by rabbits. Well we must have a different breed of the critters here. One even tried eating it. Now the thought occurs that I may have misunderstood. Is the plant supposed to keep rabbits away, or to keep them from eating the ginger plant? The later is the truth, obviously.  Only one leaf has been nibbled upon. One of the hostas with two ginger plants next to it has been decimated.

Ash trees grow rapidly and provide wonderful shade.  They also provide a plethora of twigs which they deposit on the driveway. Cleaning those up was one of my morning tasks.

Tradenscantia

When mowing this week and last a strange sound emanating from the lawn mower concerned me.  The battery powered lawnmower which takes care of the long grass is a favorite of mine.  I was concerned that it might be on its last legs (or perhaps wheels would be more appropriate). While mowing on Tuesday it just stopped running. Turning it over to see if the problem could be ascertained, it was obvious that the blade was about to fall off. A little work with the wrench and it was as good as new.  Several serious nicks were discovered probably caused by the river rock in the landscaped beds. Rock does not mow well. A new blade has been ordered and UPS promises it will be here next week.

Sleeping on the edge!

Last week I posted a meditation by Henri Nouwen on “Compassion.” As I reread the blog one sentence jumped out: “What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it.” When I venture out to the grocery store I am amazed at the number of people who are not wearing masks. It is such a simple thing to put on and take off and provides so much protection. Does this have to do with “fleeing from it” in the quotation. If one refuses to wear a mask they are telling everyone else “I am not afraid and COVID-19 won’t get me.” Those of us who are immune compromised make every attempt to stay far away from these unmasked people. The unmasked are putting every one at risk including themselves. The “quick cure” is to pretend that the danger from the virus is over. People can be free to attend crowded events not even trying to protect themselves and others. This idea is proved totally wrong by the number of positive cases overwhelming many of the states. Will we ever learn?

Thanks for reading, for thoughts, for prayers. Hopefully your week was a good one.

Pitter-Patter

That’s the sound the rain makes when it comes down lightly. It’s the sound that I awoke to this morning. Thursday it was not pitter-patter but a thundering sound. In all about 5.5 inches of rain has been measured at my house since Wednesday evening/Thursday morning.  That’s a lot of moisture.  Needless to say everything is looking very green and healthy.

Abundant growth!

The previously planted pots on the deck have grown considerably.  The perennials in the front garden are doing very well. The hostas are enjoying the cooler weather. The rabbit is still hungry! Why don’t the rabbits like weeds? Why do the rabbits only like things you plant for which you have spent money and would really like to see grow?

A few years ago hollyhocks were spotted at the Farmers’ Market.  They brought back memories of the years of my youth.  My mother had hollyhocks in the side yard. The were an endless source of entertainment because one could make figures out of the flowers and seed pods and a toothpick. So, being a kind of sentimentalist I couldn’t resist buying some hollyhocks and planting them in the front garden.  They existed amongst the other plants for the first year.  The next years a couple of leaves reappeared but no flowers.  This year I have hollyhocks. Takes me back to the days of my youth.

This is also the time of year that the lilacs have faded away. My neighbor’s French lilac tree has come into bloom. It’s beautiful with a copious number of flowers.

My relatives from two doors down the street stopped by on their way home as I was looking at the boulevard/parking/whatever you call it, determining that I needed to acquire more rock to cover the bare spaces between the plantings. As I conveyed my thoughts to them they said “we have rock. Do you want some?” So out came the wheelbarrow and the shovels and we began to move rock.  We were grateful it was a cool day. I’m grateful that part of the offending patch of the yard has been improved. What a nice gift!

This was the first of two weeks off from chemotherapy.  Labs were on Monday so not a week passed without visiting the hospital at least once! Bloodwork all looked good according to the doctor.  My red cells/platelets are still low but that is typical of a patient on chemo I’m told.

Day Lillies in bloom

The refrigerator has been repaired, sort of.  The needed part came in and was installed on Wednesday. Now I have no water or ice so there’s another wait while the repair person finds a space in his schedule to return. Items are gradually migrating from the lower level fridge to the main level. I get some exercise running up and down the stairs. I presume that’s good for me.

It’s the time of the summer solstice.  In the Scandinavian countries this is a big deal. In Sweden, as I’ve personally witnessed, a good time is had by all as the public parties through the night. I spent one midsummer with friends at a celebration in the country. There were several concerts, one of which gave a semi-religious cast to the whole affair. There were lots of dances, folk and otherwise. I think we packed it in between 3 and 4 AM.  Others were still going strong. 

Tiny little blooms on a new planting

The Church celebrates the birth of John the Baptist on the 24th. Somehow this feast became associated with the solstice. Perhaps it was John’s word in the gospel that Jesus must increase and John must decrease. Perhaps at one time the calendar set the solstice on the 24th. Christmas used to be the winter solstice festival until it “got religion.” It’s kind of fascinating to me that “pagan” holidays became Christianized and then became basically pagan holidays once again. Something to ponder.

The nation and the world are in seeming tumult over pandemics, racial equality and other issues.  One day this past week the Henri Nouwen meditation centered on compassion, one things that is demonstrated very sparingly by many. I share it with you in the hope that all of us can become more compassionate people.

“Compassion is Being With

Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it. As busy, active, relevant [people], we want to earn our bread by making a real contribution. This means first and foremost doing something to show that our presence makes a difference. And so we ignore our greatest gift, which is our ability to enter into solidarity with those who suffer. . . .

Those who can sit with their fellow man, not knowing what to say but knowing that they should be there, can bring new life into a dying heart. Those who are not afraid to hold a hand in gratitude, to shed tears of grief, and to let a sigh of distress arise straight from the heart can break through paralyzing boundaries and witness the birth of a new fellowship, the fellowship of the broken.”

Somedays being cute is the best thing

It’s been a quiet week with some things accomplished so I won’t feel as though I’ve done nothing. I don’t like to feel that I’ve done nothing as the week ends. Thanks for being with me by reading this blog.  Thank you once again for your prayers and your thoughts.

The Thirteenth of June

Not an inspiring title for this weeks blog. The week has not been all that exciting.  I have been out everyday to go to the Prairie Center for my infusion Monday through Friday.

All has gone well and the infusion takes less time because the pharmacy has decided that I’m a reliable customer and will show up so my “bag” of medicine is sometimes waiting for me instead of me for it. A few days I was a patient for less than an hour.

The port site

The blood work on Monday showed that all was good. My sodium level had gone down a bit but was still in the normal range.  I have more blood work on Monday so that will tell if I am continuing to move lower or if I’m maintaining. 

The only problem this week has been my port site.  For those in need of instructions, when I began my treatment last August they implanted a port in the right side of my chest. The medical professionals use this for my infusions and blood work. When they access it they insert a small needle through the skin into the port. This allows the medication to flow directly into the heart and then into the body. It eliminates finding a vein and inserting an IV into one’s arm. Because it leads directly to the heart they must be very careful when preparing to insert the needle. The nurse puts on sterile gloves (not just regular gloves as you can buy at the pharmacy). He or she then scrubs the site with a special cleanser containing alcohol, I’m sure.  Then the needle is inserted and a large bandage is placed over the site. If I remember to apply lidocaine cream to the site before I go to the hospital it is all quite painless.

The problem this week is that I’ve evidently had a reaction to this cleansing or to the lidocaine cream.  The skin over the port has become quite red and feels very dry and crusty. It was bleeding on Thursday so they left the needle in overnight so I wouldn’t have to go through the process on Friday. I imagine we will be doing the same thing the next time around, in two weeks time. The problem is that one has to deal with the “dongle” attached to the needle through which they connect the “drip.” So if one is going to shower it must be covered with saran wrap and taped all around so it is protected from the process of cleansing oneself. It’s not bad in the hospital when the nurse does it for you. It is a little more complex when you are doing it yourself and have to rely on a mirror!

It is really much more pleasant to be back at the Prairie Center for appointments and treatment. It is a purpose built building, filled with art and other amenities for the patients. The staff is happy to be back as well.

One of the pieces of glass art at the Prairie Center

Last year one of the great city projects began. Twenty-sixth street, only two blocks from my house, is a major east west artery particularly for those living on the “east side” and those commuting from the bedroom towns to the east and from Minnesota and Iowa. The infamous gravel train crosses the street a few blocks from my house. The train is long and conveniently travels between 7:00 and 9:00, 11:00 and 1:00, and 4:30 and 6:00. Its travel through the intersection prevents ambulances from reaching the hospitals and people getting to and from work and others who just want to get someplace else in the city. So the city decided to solve the problem by raising the street over the tracks. 

One never thinks about all that is necessary to do such a project particularly since it also involves crossing over an interstate highway. There is a cross street just before the track which had to be raised thirteen feet to accommodate the “fly over.” Power poles needed to be moved. Access to a day camp and a greenhouse had to be provided.  An entire park was moved across the river because access would exist no longer.

Feet wet drinking position

This past weekend we were finally allowed to drive over the half that flies over the tracks. No more will that pesky train impede the movement of the populace! Now work has begun on the other side which involves rebuilding the cross street and raising it, etc.  The project was to be finished by the end of 2020. I believe they are now predicting summer of 2021.  They have kept their word by keeping the street open through the whole process. Sometimes you wondered where exactly you were driving but somehow you got through.

Trying not to get the feet wet position.

Sophia is inclined toward drinking from the faucet.  She is allowed to use the downstairs bathroom sink although she has tried to gain access to others. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if she gets her feet wet in the process. Other days she chooses not to dampen her paws. Getting her drink then involves quite a balancing act!

Thanks for reading, keeping in touch and praying. It all helps, believe me.