Sophia’s Frustration and Other Thoughts

Sophia is frustrated. She sees one of her goals in life to be able to get into anything she desires. She has mastered opening bi-fold closet doors. Since she can open them at will that gives her an endless opportunity to explore things hidden from sight.

One of her successful forays when I left the door open!

She discovered in her first days of living here that a trip downstairs to the “storage room and cat “restroom” affords her the opportunity to leap up on the counter, then onto the fridge and from there to launch into the ceiling. This is one of her favorite nap spots because no one knows she’s there and it’s total peace and quiet. It is also the place to which she retreats when I practice the piano. She despises piano playing and is of the opinion that it should not happen.

Her current obsession is the sliding doors on my desk.  She has tried in vain to open them the same way she manipulates the closet doors.  It doesn’t work. She knows there is probably some stuff behind the doors which requires her attention but she can’t get at it. Frustrating! Those stupid doors stand in the way of the fulfillment of her vocation.

This is one of Sophia’s quirks. I wrote about some of my own last week. I totally forgot about the quirk which sent me off that direction when I began writing last week’s blog.  Chemo-brain!  I’ve been told I can use that excuse for the rest of my life. It does come in handy. 

Back to the quirk. I admit that I cook outside on the grill in every month of the year. My neighbors wait for the first nice evening in the spring to fire up a grill. I just can’t wait that long. I grilled outside last night and made enough so I don’t have to face the weather tonight. When I remodeled the kitchen and gave up my second Jenn-Aire range with the indoor grill I have to say I was bereft. I loved that thing and used it most every night. I know I lived with it for at least a year after the oven door began locking mysteriously whilst baking something.  I did discover by going to the basement and shutting off the breaker to the range the door would eventually open. Eventually is the operative word here.  This resulted in some highly overdone baking at times.

At any rate, Jenn-Aire doesn’t make those ranges anymore so I had to chose something else for my remodeling plans.  This range is quite well behaved so I do not have to make numerous trips to the breaker box. I do have to make trips to the deck to cook on the electric grill which is my replacement for the aforementioned range. It’s right outside the kitchen door so there’s no problem. I know I’m the only one in the neighborhood regaling others with the delectable odors of my dinner cooking outside.  It’s a rather delicious quirk.

Christmas week tends to become a little busy around here. The cathedral choir sings for two service on Christmas Eve. I was miserably tired before the first began, so much so that I though I might plead illness and stay home. Knowing that we were short of tenors, I bravely went forth. Having been a director of a volunteer choir I know how frustrating it can be to have one’s plans totally destroyed by the absence of even one person. Once I got into it I was fine. By the 10:30 PM service I was ready to go. After going to church Christmas morning I was ready for a nap. In between snoozes I watched services from other favorite churches and enjoyed the music. Christmas dinner was at a friend’s home so I did not have to do anything but go! It was a nice time. 

The three days after Christmas are major holy days. I celebrated Thursday, and Friday, and today for a funeral. Then I’ll celebrate two services tomorrow before I head for a meeting. It’s been a little difficult keeping straight which homily I’m preaching on which day.

Aside from the tiredness which has not kept me down I’ve been feeling fine. The tiredness has kept me from doing all the exercise I usually do. I know that causes me to feel tired. So, it is what one might call a vicious circle—exercise and you’ll be tired, don’t exercise and you’ll feel more tired. It’s difficult to win the battle. I won’t give up.

The drizzle began late last night and has continued through the day. The temperature has been hovering around 32 degrees.  That means the rain could turn to ice and snow. The prognosticators have warned us the there could be a lot of moisture in one form or other. The worst will be ice which is covered in snow.  That will not make for pleasant driving. 

I hope your Christmas week was a joyful one, or a peaceful one, or both. It can be a trying and exhausting time of the year. I’ve finally learned not to allow that to happen to me.

Along with your prayers for me please include our fragile world and all the people in it that peace may reign and poverty and disease and hate will be overcome by love, generosity and good will.

Thanks for reading. Thank you for your prayers.

Waiting

The winter solstice is nigh.  It will happen tonight.  I’m grateful for that.  Tomorrow there will be a little more light.  Each following day will be little longer. Today was very pleasant with a high in the low 40s.  That’s much better than temps below zero.

People might consider me more than a little strange.  I do admit I have some quirks.  I’ve probably overlooked most of them because I’ve had these quirks for so long. One of those quirks has to do with impatience.  I’m not always impatient, just sometimes. I’m impatient at red lights which eventually turn green and the person driving at the beginning of the queue is colorblind or wants a different shade of green or is busy texting. 

Impatience for something that is supposed to happen at a certain time is another quirk.  If an appointment is for a time certain then it should begin at that time. Tuesday I went to the Prairie Center for my infusion of immunotherapy.  These appointments always begin with a blood draw, then an appointment with the doctor and then the infusion. The infusion is 30 minutes, the doctor’s appointment 15 minutes and the blood draw usually not more than 15 minutes. I do understand that the lab has to process the blood so the doctor can inform me about what is going on with the cancer. That takes time. After waiting for the infusion for “a while,” I was informed that the procedure had changed and I needed to check in at the scheduling desk. Surprise!  That put me at the end of another line. Finally, I was shown to an infusion room and the medicine could be ordered from the pharmacy. This usually takes an hour. Long story short, my hours worth of medical needs required my presence from 9:30 until 2:00. 

I’m grateful for the good friend who spent her time with me while waiting.  I’m grateful for other friends from the Sudan and Sioux Falls who came to see me during the procedure. 

It appears that all is going well. The blood work all shows progress or a holding pattern. More will be revealed at the end of January when I have another CT scan and MRI. 

Another quirk — Christmas cards.  When I told someone that I intended to do the Christmas cards on Friday the friend remarked that “habit” had been given up a long time ago. In the advice column in the newspaper someone had lamented that they received fewer and fewer Christmas cards each year. I remember my mother awaiting the news at Christmas from friends far and near. I find myself in the same place now.  It is so good to hear from friends who probably write once each year. That contact is such a joy. I do enjoy choosing the card and sending it out. As I said to one former student who wondered about the value of cards, at my age if I don’t send them people will think I’m no longer present on this earth!

The cards are in the mail. I’ve been to several exercise classes, to work out at the gym, to choir practice, to worship with our Benedictine group, to volunteer at the Pavilion, to celebrate the Eucharist at Dow Rummel Village and to finish the Christmas shopping. It’s been a good week with good news again. I’m grateful. I’m grateful for you and your support and prayers. I’m grateful for how well I feel. I’m grateful for tomorrow, the fourth Sunday in Advent, and for the coming feast of Christmas. I hope and pray that your celebration will fill you with joy.

The birthplace of Jesus in the Church of the Holy Nativity, Bethlehem

Joy and Sadness

One of the mysteries of life is the juxtaposition of joy and sadness all within the space of a week of “ordinary” life. One does not seek out these two emotions. They just simply occur.

On the joy side, last Sunday was the official welcoming of our new bishop to his cathedral church.  The term cathedral comes from another word cathedra. This refers to the official seat or chair of a bishop in the bishop’s area of authority, the diocese. Hence the building which houses the chair is called a cathedral. It doesn’t have to be a big building with impressive architecture it simply has to house the chair or cathedra. 

When a new bishop is ordained it is the custom to “seat” the bishop in the cathedra. Our new bishop, Jonathan Folts, was ordained in Pierre. The cathedral is in Sioux Falls. It would have been difficult to seat the bishop on the day of his ordination! So, last Sunday the bishop knocked on the door of the cathedral church and was escorted in and seated. It was the official installation of our new bishop. It was a great liturgy and a joy-filled time. 

Then on Tuesday evening there was another joy-filled celebration as Bishop Jonathan visited our Benedictine Community for the first time as our Bishop Protector. He visited two classes and then presided at the Eucharist. Following Evening Prayer he shared a meal with us and we had time to visit with him. 

Next Monday is the cathedral’s annual service of Lessons and Music.  It is a gift to the community. The cathedral choir and the Dakota String Quartet and other musicians share their talent in a beautiful service of music for the Advent season and appropriate readings. Our rehearsal on Wednesday evening of this week was the last before we sing this service next Monday. There is always a certain amount of apprehension. Will we know the music and will we interpret it correctly and beautifully? We were all happy the rehearsal went very well. It went so well that we were dismissed early!

Friday was my first day back at the Washington Pavilion serving as a docent. It was good to be back, to see other docents with whom I had worked before my cancer diagnosis and to see three classes of fourth graders from Minnesota who were enjoying the Pavilion that day.  I realized how much I really missed the interaction with the children during the time I spent away because of chemotherapy and the related cautions due to a suppressed immune system. The exhibit on the construction of the Arc of Dreams, a dramatic new piece of public art in downtown Sioux Falls was still up. 

The Arc is the work of Dale Lamphere, our South Dakota artist laureate. It is huge and spans the Big Sioux River. You can see from the picture that the Arc is not complete. Neither are our dreams. The exhibit features a video on Lamphere’s work and scale models of the Arc. I worked on convincing the school bus drivers to take the children by the Arc as they departed the city.  

Now the other side of the week’s emotions. The husband of one of my former Denver parishioners was diagnosed with leukemia. As a hiker and a climber of high places he was the picture of health and now he is very sick. As he enters into his treatment I hope and pray that things will go well both for him and for his family. 

My common practice in scanning the local newspaper is to check the obituaries. As I did so this week there was an entry for a former student who died at age 36. I worked with him for seven years. He was a bright young man gone from us at a much too early time of life. I grieve for him and his family.

One of my best friends from high school days, the one with whom I’ve shared many trips, has been having health problems and had been hospitalized. He was home for a time and now has returned to the hospital.

The weather this week was similar to my emotions. It was very cold and then not so cold. We had some snow and sunshine. It was a good week to spend some evenings at home in front of the fireplace. Sophia thought it was a pleasant thing to do as well. We have both enjoyed the bedroom fireplace more this year than ever before. The joy of just taking the time to sit and read or watch the tube has been wonderful. 

Now, to add to the “joy” side of the ledger I’ve just returned from such a beautiful choral concert I really didn’t want it to end. The pew was hard but the music heavenly.  The performing group is Transept.  As they describe themselves: “Transept is a vocal ensemble of elite professional consort singers and select local musicians based in Sioux Falls.”

The program further states: “Transept is inspired by the architecture of beauty. We interweave music for vocal consort, soloists, and choir to draw audiences into an intimate, meaningful journey. We fill spaces with the sounds of transcendence.”  And they do. We are truly blessed to have this group here. They are the equal of or surpass any group I’ve heard. Check them out: https://www.transept.org

I’ll share with you one of Henri Nouwen’s writings on joy which sums up my emotions of this week.

“Joy does not come from positive predictions about the state of the world. It does not depend on the ups and downs of the circumstances of our lives. Joy is based on the spiritual knowledge that, while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world. Jesus says it loudly and clearly: “In the world you will have troubles, but rejoice, I have overcome the world.”

The surprise is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected. No, the real surprise is that God’s light is more real than all the darkness, that God’s truth is more powerful than all human lies, that God’s love is stronger than death.”

Thank you all for your concern and prayers, and for sharing in my life.

Retirement?

There are some interesting aspects in the time of life known as retirement.  The young, not retired may see it as a life of total leisure. If you don’t have to get up and go through the morning ritual to make it to the job on time, you can just take your time. Dealing with the mail, tending the pets and a few tasks around the house shouldn’t be too stressful the un-retired would think. When one speaks to the retired, one of the topics that may arise is the fact that the retired have never been so busy.

I retired from the teaching profession at an early age because I could and was unhappy with some of the extra duties the board of education was imposing on teachers. After a couple of years as a substitute teacher I retired from that as well.  I could say that my teaching retirement was successful.

After helping found the Singing Boys of Sioux Falls and working with them for over twenty-five years I retired from that organization. That has been a successful retirement.

Last September I celebrated my thirty-seventh anniversary of ordination as a priest. I retired from my parish twelve years ago. This week I celebrated five Eucharists. Some would say that this churchly retirement is not particularly successful. I often times joke about it myself. The truth is that there are not many clergy around and the retired are often called upon to fill in, or as we say “supply.”

I’m not fond of traveling out of town to another church and worrying about arriving on time, etc. I used to do it without thinking but that has changed with advancing age and limited eyesight. Unless it is an unusual request my tasks for the church are in Sioux Falls. 

There is some comfort in supplying in places where you are known and you know most of the people.  When you’ve been around mostly for ever that is the case here. 

I do enjoy this part of my un-retirement.  One is freed from the administrative details and is simply the liturgist and preacher on any given day. And it does supply a need for community which any retired priest may tell you is the biggest gap in the life of said priest. When you have served a parish, have seen the children grow, have baptized, married and buried some, have shared joys and sorrows, and have looked forward to seeing the gathered congregation, especially on Sunday morning, there is a big gap in one’s life when all that is no longer a part of one’s being.

This week, aside from the churchly tasks, I returned to the Washington Pavilion for the docent meeting since I will begin working with children again this coming week.  I’d given that up because of the altered immune system during chemotherapy. As anyone who has spent time in the classroom knows groups of children are a massive petri dish of anything going around at any particular time. It will be good to return as a docent.  I really enjoy teaching and this is the best part of it because you don’t have to deal with paper work, discipline problems or any of the other tasks that may make teaching less than pleasant. One only has to teach! Beautiful.

My appointment with the ophthalmologist was on Thursday and he confirmed the fact that I have cataracts that need attention. The surgeries are scheduled for next month. It will be wonderful to see clearly again.  The doctor did assure me that I was a legal driver even with the cataracts.

The first week of Advent, of awaiting is over.  Sorry this blog is late for those who expect it at a certain time. I hope and pray your week is a blessing for you.

Advent - the beginning

The season of Advent begins tomorrow. Because we follow the Jewish reckoning of days in the Church the day begins at sunset so it is already the first Sunday of Advent. I am to supply at the Church of the Good Shepherd tomorrow.

For those not familiar with “clerical speak,” the word supply means that I will be in charge of the services tomorrow. Being in charge means that I will preside at the altar for the Eucharist and will preach. I’ve supplied at Good Shepherd many times over the past years. For a year I was the regular supply priest while they searched for a new rector. It is a place where I’m comfortable. The people know me and seem glad to see me when I appear. When I know I will be supplying at some church, the week is usually spent thinking about the readings and what the topic of the homily should be.

Again, for those not familiar with clerical speak a homily is based on the readings for the day, whereas a sermon can be on any topic of the preacher’s choosing. For the most part I just preach homilies. The readings chosen for each Sunday provide the people and me with a good number of ideas upon which to speak and listen. The readings for this Sunday from Isaiah, Romans and Matthew all speak about the second coming of Jesus. It is a topic not normally preached about in the Episcopal Church.

The prayer for the First Sunday of Advent from the Book of Common Prayer is one of my favorites. It echoes some of the second reading from Romans. To me it is a masterpiece of English composition. So you’ll know about that which I write I will quote it for you.

“Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge both the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal.”

Often when I meditate on this prayer I see myself standing before the wall behind the altar in the Sistine Chapel looking at Michelangelo’s interpretation of Jesus’s coming again in his glorious majesty.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Judgment_(Michelangelo) It’s a beautiful work but also a bit scary as you see people being cast into hell.  Personally I don’t profess a religion which scares people. I realize that when the painting was done, it was a common thing to preach repentance with a sub-theme of scaring people into that repentance.

I think that this Advent and this prayer has a particular meaning for me this year. One never knows how one will react to the news that one has a couple of months to live until one receives the news. The oncologist told me that if I didn’t receive chemotherapy I would be dead in three to five months. After hearing the horror stories of others who have suffered so many awful side effects of chemotherapy my choice was made with some fear and trepidation. I made that choice to live longer. Now Advent comes and I have another choice with God’s grace to cast away the works of darkness which I earnestly strive to do every day. I can’t do it alone, but I have so many holding me up with their prayers for which I am eternally grateful.

I had my second infusion of immunotherapy this week. My bloodwork looked good. My hair is growing back, rather slowly however. I continue to have virtually no side effects from the infusions. 

As I look outside winter has arrived with its usual mix of snow, sleet, rain, drizzle and whatever else can befall us before it just gets cold and stays cold. A major storm bypassed us once again. Tonight we are supposed to receive more snow. Only tomorrow will we know what actually happens.

Wednesday was a “snow day.” We had those once in while when I was teaching. They were really gifts because they were a totally unplanned day off. Without any plans one could just do what one wanted to, but mostly confined to one’s home. If the school buses couldn’t make headway through the streets it was unlikely that any automobile could! I still enjoy those snow days. 

My good friend invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner which was delicious and traditional. Last Sunday evening another friend had some former educators for dinner. That was a pleasant evening renewing some old acquaintances.

It was a good week and there were many things for which to be thankful. I am blessed in so many ways.

Can you see me now?

I know this title is a riff on a once popular commercial.  I don’t have a problem with hearing, but I do with seeing so I altered it to fit the problem!

Having been warned that I shouldn’t worry about new lenses until my chemotherapy was complete, I’ve reached the conclusion that my vision is not going to get any better. Evidently some persons undergoing chemo experience a blossoming of their cataracts. As one optometrist put it, you’ll get them (cataracts) sooner or later. I’ve had a “slow growing” one in my right eye for years.  That has progressed to the point where surgery is needed. My left eye has also become afflicted. My oncologist says to go ahead with the cataract surgery whenever I can get it scheduled. 

Last Sunday afternoon the Fine Arts Series at First Congregational Church sponsored the Chamber Music Collective concert.  It is a new group composed of two members of the Dakota String Quartet and a violist from the Twin Cities area. They were joined by the first-chair flutist from the SD Symphony. The program varied from the traditional (Mozart) to the contemporary. It was very well played and a delightful mix of musical periods. The performing space at First Congregational is excellent acoustically. The size seems intimate although in reality not small. It was a nice way to end Sunday.

Monday morning was the appointed time to visit with the optometrist who told me I couldn’t see too well.  No news to me!  He has referred me to an ophthalmologist who will see me on December 5, and schedule the surgeries. I’m looking forward to a vast improvement in eyesight.

I seem to multi-schedule very well. Busy days get busier. Monday afternoon I attended an OLLI class tour of the Orpheum Theater, an historic structure in downtown Sioux Falls.  It was originally constructed as a vaudeville house in 1913, complete with a railroad spur to the loading dock to enable traveling shows with considerable props and scenery to load in easily. It morphed into a “B” movie theater, fell into disuse and was purchased by a community theater group on a contract for deed with the city. The city assumed management through groups that manage other city venues. Now the theater is managed by the Washington Pavilion management group. 

The theater is supposedly haunted. We did not see any ghosts at 1 PM on Monday. There is a lot of history there and we got to see the public areas and many of the private ones as well. The “green” room, dressing rooms, and backstage areas are proof that being an actor is not as glamorous an occupation as one might believe.

Then it was off to the Rebuilding South Sudan through Education board meeting. This is the outgrowth of a project begun by one of my Sudanese parishioners several years ago. His original idea was to furnish school supplies for his home village. That evolved into something more permanent that being a school building. The school was completed, and a women’s center and a medical clinic, grinding mills so the girls could attend school, water wells for a clean water supply, churches, supplies for the women’s center and medical clinic, and numberless other projects small and large.  The idea of tablets and pencils for the students resulted in so much more.  The Diocese of South Dakota helped considerably at the beginning of the project which has now spread to other churches, schools, community groups and anyone else who would like to help.  Our main problem at this time is the lack of peace in South Sudan. We are hoping and praying that there will be a peace treaty early in the next year.  Now that the buildings have been constructed and repaired, the damage being caused by the civil war, our emphasis is on projects which will make the people of the town self-supporting. You can check out our Facebook page (Rebuilding South Sudan through Education). A new website is currently under construction.

Wednesday, along with my two exercise classes in the morning, and my volunteer job at the Pavilion in the afternoon, I returned to celebrate the monthly Eucharist at Dow Rummel Village.  I’ve been doing this for years but felt that I should stay away from “germ laden” places while undergoing chemotherapy.  It was good to be back. We had our weekly choir practice which ended with a little party for our director who celebrated a “big” birthday.

Thursday, along with other activities, our Foyer Group from the Cathedral checked out the new Thai restaurant in town. It’s always fun to get together with this group and to try the (non-chain) restaurants available in this city.

Friday one of my teacher friends hosted a luncheon for four of us who became quite close while working in the same building and continued that friendship as we all retired at various points. It’s always fun to get together and catch up.

Friday evening was capped off by an organ recital at Augustana University Chapel. The recitalist is from Atlanta and has studied all over Europe and Canada. It was a well played program. He commented extensively on the works but due to acoustical problems I could not understand most of what he said. I did enjoy the music.

Now I’ve just returned from the South Dakota Symphony concert which featured Mussorgsky’s “Pictures at an Exhibition.”  A great performance by a wonderful group of musicians.  We are so fortunate to have such an excellent orchestra and music director here.

Henri Nouwen’s meditation for today spoke to me: “Never forget the words ‘In this world you will have troubles but be brave: I have overcome the world.’ Every time you spend silent time in your prayer room you celebrate Christ’s victory over the world (over death, over the evil one) and allow yourself to taste already now the peace that comes from this victory.

“It is so important for the people around you to see that peace of Christ reflected in your eyes, your hands, and your words. There is more power in that than in all your teaching and organizing. That is the truth we need to keep telling each other.”

Friends have constantly commented on how well I look. They can’t believe I’ve been through chemotherapy with such minimum side effects and that I am so active.  I’m grateful for all that has been given me and hope that in my interactions with others I reflect the peace of Christ which is referenced above.

I must credit my “editor-in-chief” for her assistance with this week’s blog!

Again, what season is this?

When there is no other topic of conversation in South Dakota one can always bring up the weather! We’ve had an interesting week with bitter cold and snow and then sunshine and temps in the 50s. I’ll take the later thank you very much.

I’m sitting at my computer typing these words which will shortly go out over the internet to whomever wants to read them. I think back to the days when monks of old sat in the scriptorium and copied books so they would be available to others. Many of those books took years to complete. Many of them were beautifully illuminated. Some are still around today having been carefully preserved. Hanging on my living room wall is a page from a book of chants, hand lettered and notated. Who know how long it took a monastic to copy that page from another book. It’s a far different world now. 

I thought about that as two friends and I made a pilgrimage to Omaha yesterday (Friday) to view the exhibit at the Joslyn Museum. The exhibit is the St. John’s Bible one of the masterpieces of the 21st century. The computer played only a minor role in the production of this book.  It is the first hand-written Bible to be produced since the invention of the printing press. It is amazing to see 76 pages from the Bible. The calligraphy is beautiful and unique to the Bible. The illuminations are stunning.  

I have the reproduction of the Bible in seven volumes, the same as it will be bound when it finishes its travels. The illustrations are good but they are not illuminations, just photographs of them. The colors are much more vivid and the use of gold, silver, and platinum leaf really gives the “wow” factor when you see the “real” pages.

The Bible took several years to produce and is the work of many calligraphers and artists. It was commissioned for the celebration of the 150th anniversary of St. John’s Abbey. Again, if you would like more information you can find it at  https://www.saintjohnsbible.org

When we travel to Omaha it is usual to shop and eat so we did that as well. Stops at Penzey’s Spices, Dunkin’ Doughnuts, Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods are obligatory since we have not those venues in Sioux Falls. Lunch was at an Indian restaurant. The curry was good!

The temperature in Omaha was about 60 degrees which made a most pleasant day. Along with the activities mentioned above two of us needed to procure the Advent Calendar for Cats so our beloved beasts can properly celebrate the season.

The rest of the week was busy and rewarding. Exercise classes, walks, OLLI classes on jazz composers and a New Zealand trip, choir practice, greeting visitors at the Washington Pavilion, serving lunch at the Bishop Dudley Hospitality House and a very frigid time on the river front attending a blessedly short rally on behalf of DACA were the activities of note.

I’m still feeling fine. I need to shave every two days now rather than once per week so the hair is growing again. I don’t think I’m going to get my wish of curly red hair upon its return to my head. It appears that it is going to be white.  I’ll accept that and will post a picture when it is worthwhile to be viewed.

Thanks once again for your comments, prayers, and thoughts.  All are very much appreciated and mean the world to me.

Have a wonderful week.